Depression is such a selfish state of mind. It really is. I have friends that I’ve watched go through it, and I’ve thought about how selfish they are at the time. I’ve thought about it in my own life too.
What stinks though is that you are nearly incapable of changing it. I’ve watched friends so overcome by depression and their spouse so angry and resentful and completely unable to do anything right by them. I’ve felt terribly sorry for that spouse. The spouse feels responsible, yet unable to even help fix it. That goes for anyone near the depressed person.
I see it in my own life. I have moments where I completely lose it. It’s hard enough for me to navigate. It’s impossible for those near me. They can’t do anything right and they can’t help me either, in my view at the time. It’s an all-consuming feeling that leads to helplessness. Even though I can identify it and understand it, I haven’t figured out how to fix it. Even recognizing the selfishness at the time doesn’t help. It’s still too consuming.
I hate the selfishness. I hate it that I feel like things should be centered around me because they should not. That is not who I am, yet I become it. Depression sucks!