Thursday, June 24, 2010

Happenings Around the House

I’m pretty sure I should be packing. Next Friday, we close on our house. We’re moving in as soon as we possibly can. Justin will be out of town some soon, so we want to get it all done before he leaves. So, I should be packing…but I haven’t packed a single thing.

Well, ok, yes I have. Our entire garage is full of stuff that I packed before we moved here. It’s all stuff that we could go six months without because it won’t fit in this duplex. We cannot wait to get out of here. The new house is completely amazing! We cannot wait! I’m ready for Kara to have her own space. We’re ready to have more than one bathroom. We’re ready to have some room to breathe without each other. We all need that!

We’ve been potty training for the last 3 days. I think we’ve succeeded. He only had 2 accidents today…and about 50 successful trips to the potty. Mommy is worn the heck out! Whoo Wee! I wish I could slack off for a few days now, but I cannot. He’s such a big boy though! I’m quite proud of him! Here he is watching his little dvd player in his big boy underwear tonight. Two years and one month! Don’t let anyone tell you that boys are harder than girls!

017 Tomorrow, I think I’ll venture out with him. I’m a little scared! The older kids need out of the house though. I feel so bad for them. They’ve been locked at home all summer because it’s hard to get all of us out during the day. I think we’ll hit up the library tomorrow. They’ve been asking to do that. What a nothing summer this will be for them. :( They are getting a new house though, so that’s something!

The house in Wichita is a big fat mess! There are foundation issues which has caused flooding. The foundation issues were there long before us and cracking open the walls revealed it all. Most likely, we’ll end up in court with the previous owners because of it. None of it is a good deal though!

Kristen is playing softball. It’s her thing! She’s pretty good and she LOVES it! I was never a softball player growing up, but it is so exciting watching her play! She’s much more athletic than I’d ever imagined her being. I’m so proud of her! I don’t have any pictures yet, but I’m going to get some soon and I’ll be sure to share!

Migc is doing better. He’s had a very, very rough summer and he’s still not out of the woods, but he has improved. His summer has consisted of work, work and more work. He’s gotten pretty good at mopping, vacuuming and other things around the house. I know him and his sister will both be happy to have a dishwasher! :)

Kara is a chunk! That girl! She smiles and laughs and swings and plays in the bouncy chair. She’s an easy baby most of the time. She sleeps pretty well too. I’d be wise to take advantage of times like these and go to bed, but I’ve never claimed to be wise. I pulled up pictures of Jaden today and was astonished at how much they look alike, but when I compare pictures side-by-side, it doesn’t seem so much like they do. I don’t know. I’ll let you be the judge.


Here she is getting her beauty sleep, which she totally does not need. :)


Here she is saying, “Yup, I’m chubby! My mama has good milk though!” Ignore how I look…I’ve done nothing but potty train for 3 days!


Jaden 25 months and Kara 2 months

Now let’s compare the two.

012They are the same age in these pictures.  I don’t know…I can see similarities, but I think they do look different. What do you think? I’m pretty sure she is chubbier than him though!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Loving Yourself

Ok so, one day, you are 19. You are on a college danceline. You are young, alive, driven and your body doesn’t need much help at all.

Then you wake up one day and you realize that that was 14 years ago and you most definitely are not her anymore.

Strangely, it’s a more sobering reality than you realized it would be.

Fourteen years and 4 kids later, you realize that you are no where near that. Just a few years ago, you could still keep up athletically, but not anymore. You are not young the way you were young then. In fact, as you are sitting in the WalMart dressing room, nursing your baby, you catch yourself in the mirror. It’s been a long time since you’ve really even looked at your face because frankly, you hardly have time to pee in the bathroom. Staring at your face isn’t an option. But here you are in the WalMart dressing room, looking at your face, and you realize that your smile has created permanent lines. That smile used to light up a room. Now, it’s the beginning of wrinkles, and you realize that you have most definitely aged. You no longer look like you are even in your twenties. You might even look older than your age. How did that happen to me? So, yeah, you’re not young in the sense that you were young before.

Alive. Yeah, I suppose when you sit on the floor in your children’s room and they sing along to a book with you, you feel alive. It’s a different alive though. You certainly don’t feel alive when you are in the back seat of the car singing the same 3 songs over and over and over to your 8 week old until she stops crying and goes to sleep, only to have her wake up 3 minutes later and do it all over again and again. You have your moments that feel alive, but they are few and far between and they are vastly different than they were 14 years ago.

Driven? hahahahaha I’m driven to have my 2 year old completely potty trained within the next 3 days. Does that count? Honestly, if driven were part of me right now, I don’t think I could possibly be the mother and wife that I should be. I no longer have a list of achievements that I can rattle off. I can’t tell you how high up the ladder I’m climbing. I can’t tell you what my sights are set on. I have no drive because I will neglect my family if I do.

And my body, are you kidding me? Remember, I have four kids and I’m 14 years older. My body forgot what it means to bounce back. I have back fat, for the first time in my life. That certainly has a more traumatizing effect on me than any of the others. And really, I’ve decided that I’m kind of mad that I have to work so hard to get it off this time.

On top of it all, you realize that those girls are there and though you’re in a completely different league because, let’s face it, you CANNOT compete, you are completely aware that they are there, at all times and that somehow, you are competition whether you know it or not. From here, it will only get worse. Instead of being the one that men show interest in because you are young, alive, drive and have a body, you are the one trying desperately to hold the attention of one.

…and these feelings makes you want to crawl in hole because you’ve forgotten how to love yourself.