Pregnancy Thoughts

I’m not feeling very pregnant right now. The first trimester of nauseousness and extreme tiredness has eased greatly and now I feel back to normal, except fat. My clothes don’t fit, but I don’t look pregnant at all, I look like my belly is a fat roll, and it probably is if I were to be honest about it. Its just when there isn’t a baby squishing it all into one place, it isn’t quite as noticeable. :)

But no nauseousness, not as much tiredness, no real movement, no real emotional roller coasters, am I really pregnant? This is the s l o w moving part of pregnancy. The part where you feel silly about being pregnant because no one can tell and there is nothing exciting to talk about.

I know, give a few weeks and I’ll be asking for sleep between movements.

We’ve maintained from day one that we want another boy. Kristen is girl enough for this house. Last night, we were talking with the babysitter about what we’re having and all of that, so it got me to thinking. I asked Justin in bed this morning what he *thinks* we’re really having. He said that he wants a boy, but he keeps feeling like it’s a girl. After my faux pas with Jaden, I’m done guessing, but if I were to guess, I’d guess a boy purely based on ovulation and all of that, but even that leaves quite a bit of a guessing game.

I’d love not to find out. Justin won’t even consider it though. He wants to know. He’s terrible with surprises. So, come December, I suppose we’ll know, in the meantime, we’ll keep hoping it’s a boy. :)

Learning Lessons

*Whew* I’ve been busy! Monday, the kids didn’t have school. Tuesday, I babysat and had dentist appointments for all 3 kids. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I subbed for a Kindergarten class. I survived! I really think that is a feat in and of itself.

I don’t know. You hear people say, “oh but Kindergarteners are so cute!” Really, I like what I do (in terms of subbing), I like this teacher and some how, they have found me capable and I think I do alright, but Kindergarten is not my age of choice. I mean, yeah, they might be cute if you could get them to be quiet for 15 minutes straight and do their work. :)

I’m exaggerating, but I will admit that even my own children were not my favorite at the Kindergarten age. They are a tough crowd!

I learned a lot this week too. These poor, poor children go to school for an entire day, just like the big kids. They don’t get naps, they sometimes get afternoon snacks, but only sometimes. They get ONE 20 minute recess after lunch. They work, work, work all day long. There is not song time or play in the classroom time (really, why is there a play kitchen and entire play center pushed into the back corner that they don’t get to play with). It’s really no wonder to me that they have a hard time focusing on an hour of math from 3 to 4pm! Are you serious? They are so burned out. Shoot, I was burned out!

I also got to see the importance of every moment and every word you say making an impact. I had a student that I struggled with on Wednesday. Shoot, my previous times in the classroom where a big struggle with her. The Kindergarten classes have “grandparents” assigned to them that help out for the majority of the day. I remember when Kristen was in Kindergarten, we had problems with her grandma because she would make comments about Kristen’s weight and just say things that were harsh. Are they trained to do that? My helper was the same way. As soon as this little girl walked through the doorway on Thursday, my helper laid into her. She just said some very harsh things about the day before and what she knew she was going to be like today, etc. Do I need to tell you that that little girl, shriveled into her sister and in spite of my best efforts, she didn’t recoup for the rest of the day! She ended up spending the entire day in the office. Yes, she made poor choices but I felt terrible because I felt like she was set up. Friday morning, I met her at the door, hugged her, told her that I was happy to see her, didn’t mention the day before and directed her onto her work. Can I tell you that I had very, very little problems with that girl for the entire day?! She did every work that was handed to her and she did it entirely. I’ve never seen her do that. I complimented her, winked at her and overall showed my approval of her good behavior. *sigh* I felt like I made a difference in one little girl’s life for today. I’m thankful for that.

I’m also thankful that my assignment for Kindergarten is done. :) At least until she needs me again, but for now, I’m not going back on Monday.

Migc and Kristen got their report cards today. All As and Bs. I’m proud of them. Justin and I both struggle with being happy with Bs because we know they are capable of all As. Someone give me some pointers here! My mom never showed disapproval for Bs and I always strived for As. How do we get to where we’re happy with Bs or should we pressure for As? Kristen was all As, except for writing, Music & PE. Migc was 1/2 As, 1/2 Bs, which I’m pretty sure is better than last year. I remember almost all Bs from him last year. I am proud of them, but I certainly don’t feel like we showed them how proud we are tonight with all the “why do you have a B in _____???”

Well, I’m tired, it’s late. I should hit the sack. I feeling a lot better these days and my energy has returned. I’m still going to sleep earlier, but not always passing out as early as I was. Tomorrow is a full day though – hockey, birthday party and a movie with my Love!

Movement

Tell me I’m lying, but Thursday night, I was watching Grey’s Anatomy and I felt the baby move. Justin says it isn’t possible, but I was laying on my back and I felt a bump on the inside of my lower torso. The only thing existing in that place is my uterus, so I’m certain that I felt the baby move!

It’s My Birthday, It’s My Birthday

What a crazy day! In a good way, of course. :)

Our first prenatal appointment did not go excitement-free. The nurse came in and did her questions and all of that, then took out the doppler to check for baby’s heartbeat. She looked and looked and looked and looked some more. Seriously, she took a good 10 minutes at least searching every centimeter of that 12 week uterus. Nothing. We heard nothing except my ever-so-strong heartbeat through those extra large vessels surrounding my uterus. She said she’d have the doctor check.

He came in and did his thing (you know, his first appointment thing) and all was well and in place. He commented on the growing largely uterus that may contain more than one baby (NO!). He took the doppler and looked and looked and looked and looked some more. Still, all he heard were my large vessels pumping away.

He immediately took me in for an ultrasound. Yes, by now, I was fighting tears and praying fervently.

My doctor is a funny guy. He’s old school and doesn’t know his way around a sonogram machine all that well. He made sure to tell me that he’s made plenty of mistakes on them, so it’s an unofficial sonogram and he’s really just trying his luck at it. He turned it on and immediately there was baby! Next, we saw that little bitty teeny tiny heart beating away. He quickly printed a picture and turned the machine off. *Whew* Definitely made my day to not just get to hear the heartbeat but to actually get to see “him” as my doctor called him/her. :)

And, in spite of Justin telling everyone that we are having twins, there is definitely only one in there. :)

While we’re at it, let’s get these belly shots going. OK, I know, I’m only 12 weeks and I look huge, but just remember that this is baby #4 for me and in the month before I got pregnant, I put on 5 freaking pounds! Those pounds have officially pushed straight into my stomach area and aren’t actually baby at all. :( But here I am, 12 weeks – and isn’t Jaden just adorable. I did not encourage nor persuade him to even take part in this picture!

I Don’t Need Livejournal! :)

I know, I’m way behind on an actual update. I’ve started one a couples of times. In fact, I had a pretty good go at one last week, but occasionally this laptop will highlight large amounts of stuff if my hand runs across the pad and then I’ll accidently delete everything. Yes, that is what I did. I didn’t have it in me to start over either.

Yesterday, I was reading Jaden’s birth story from my livejournal and it made me miss livejournal a lot. I thought I’d be able to do this blog to fill in that gap, but I just can’t be quite as open with the wide world as I can be when I can lock things down. I kind of struggle with why that is. I didn’t normally write about bad things in my livejournal, though I did definitely use it for venting when need be. I don’t know. I’m going to make a good effort at it this time though. I’m going to try to keep up with this the way I did livejournal.

So here we go:

We got a new chair on Sunday. In July, we decided to redo our living room. We’re going 70s. We bought some really cool used furniture at a local DAV that is 100% 1970s. We got this amazing 70s style coffee table with a matching end table.

We bought paintings off craigslist.

Then the basement flooded and now the bathroom is falling apart. The living room remodel has been put on the back burner for a while, though we’re still excited about it!

Anyway, Justin’s dad came across this 70s green swivel chair.

We have a bright 70s orange one too that is a different style.

This green chair is the most amazing chair. Seriously, I never want to move out of it. Everyone fights over it in the house. It is so comfortable!! Last night, no one was in it and Migc was like, “FINALLY, I get to sit the chair!” :) It makes getting things done around the house even more difficult because I don’t want to move from the chair!

In other news, we have our first doctors appointment today. I’m officially 12 weeks pregnant today! I’m a little nervous, probably because I read a blog yesterday that I shouldn’t have read. You know, one of those first baby, everything is great and exciting, until the sonogram and they learn things are bad but they won’t know for sure until birth, then the baby only lives 8 hours. Yeah, I don’t do well with stories like that. Today is my birthday, so I’m nervous that I’ve set myself up. Dumb, I know! All will be fine!

Oh and I haven’t had any coffee since I’ve been pregnant. This morning, I asked Justin to leave me a tiny bit so that I could add it to my hot chocolate. Yummy! Thankfully, I am starting to feel better! The nausea is subsiding greatly and I’m getting my energy back, though I still can’t be up to even 10pm. I’ve tried 3 nights in a row now and I just can’t do it. Oh well, Justin likes me going to bed with him finally.

OK, I think that’s it. I want to get a few more things done then chill for the rest of the day. Maybe even get a little knitting done. YAY!

When the Saints go marching in, I want to be one of them

Yesterday, I stood in line at the grocery store and saw that Katherine Heigl adopted a special needs baby from Korea, and I had to choke back tears. Maybe it’s being pregnant that brought the emotion on or maybe it’s just my desire to be that person. Not that I could do a true special needs child because I’m pretty certain that’s not a gift God bestowed on me, but adopting children from all over the earth is, I believe, a God-given desire.

Then last night, Justin told me that the lottery is up to $197 million. Now, we don’t play the lottery, but we do sometimes dream of what we would do with the money. I told him last night that I would build a great big house, hire a few nannies and adopt a child from every continent. He said he’d thought about me being able to do that.

I have such admiration for people that adopt from places like China. I know American children need adopted too. I know that, but even most American children that are in foster care are better cared for than little girls in China. Most American children in foster care have more food than many children born into AIDS ridden countries in Africa like Botswana. In some other places in this world, American foster children would be considered very well off.

I am an American, tried and true. I love America. I also have this deep love for other cultures and ways of life that I would love to incorporate that into our lives in a real and tangible way.

Then you have to wonder – why do I keep having children of my own if I have such a desire for these other children? That’s a good question. I suppose it’s both. I want my own as well. Now, I think this will be our last. Who knows for sure. We haven’t actively decided to do anything to keep from having more, but we’re starting to feel like it’s enough. I know that I don’t enjoy pregnancy the way I did ten years ago and thinking of raising 4 has become a bit overwhelming in my mind. We wanted this one desperately and we’re happy to have it, but we might be done.

Plus, adopting from other countries is no small financial feat. Frankly, we’re poor and even the thought of having the money to adopt a child from another country is staggering. I pray someday that God fulfills that desire in my heart. For now, I will continue to watch the news stands for Katherine Heigls and thank God that it isn’t just me he has given this desire to!