Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Birth Disappointments

I don’t want to include any of this in the original story because it was a joyful and amazing birth. I’ve had 4 amazing births, but really, I think this one topped them all, and I don’t want to take away from that. There were a couple of things that hurt though too.

When we left the hospital, we were eager to go home. They have hospital workers that are not nurses and are not privy to what is happening on any particular floor. These are the workers that come get you with a wheel chair and wheel you, grinning from ear-to-ear, with your new baby in your arms, down the hall and out the door. It is an experience to gloat as you are wheeled past on-lookers oh-ing over the new baby. I have tears in my eyes and a sickening stomach as I remember this moment with Kara.

The hospital worker came to get us and sent Justin down one way to get the car and pull it around, and she wheeled me another way to a back elevator. As she wheeled me down the hall, with my brand new baby girl in my arms, grinning, I notice a lot of people standing in the hallway just ahead of me. I instantly made eye contact with a few of the people and saw pain. It took me all of about 3 seconds to realize that something was wrong. As I passed through them in the hallway, standing outside a room in the maternity ward, watching me leave with my brand new baby girl, I heard a woman on the telephone say, “I don’t know if they are going to do a burial or a cremation.”

I instantly bawled and cried most of the way home. By the time I got to the car, I was falling apart and Justin was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I just could not believe they would put that family through the torture of wheeling me passed them, going home with my baby. It didn’t seem fair. There wasn’t a lot of talking on the way home because neither of us could get our minds off of those parents. I felt guilty and wished that the worker had never taken me down that hallway.

The other disappointed was that we didn’t have visitors. My mom and Justin’s dad, stepmom and little brother were there immediately after the birth, and we were so grateful that they got to experience those moments with us. My mom kept the kids overnight, so she came up the next day too, but other than that, we didn’t have a single visitor. Except for Justin’s youngest brother, none of our brothers or sisters came. None of our friends came. It was disappointing for us. Even now, few have even attempted to meet her.

1 comment:

Ashley said...

That's so sad, I would have been bawling too!

I wish I'd been around, I would have been annoying. ;) "Dang Ashley, will you leave us alone?"