Wednesday, September 15, 2010


I think I might have underestimated this move. I don’t know. On one hand, I’d say I didn’t, but really, yeah, I think I didn’t understand how much everything would change…and I mean everything.

I’m a big girl. I’ve made my share of life-changing moves. I’ve gone through more transitions that I think is probably normal and I handle them pretty well. I steer my children through them pretty well too. I’m usually not too bad at rebounding and I’m not unrealistic going into situations. I often know exactly what I’m getting myself into. I knew this time too. I’m just not sure that the knowing part has helped much and there have been things I did not expect – at all.

I moved to a new town, farther away from family and to a place where I didn’t know a single soul. It’s not the first time I’ve ever done that in my life. At least I brought my husband and kids with me this time. I know them. This town is different than any I’ve ever lived in though and I don’t think I expected that.

I like it here. In fact, I love this town. It’s a neat community. It’s just different than what I’m used to. I’ve always lived in lower income neighborhoods. Really, I’ve always chosen to live there sort of. I mean, yeah, I wasn’t rich so I couldn’t move to the best, but where I’ve always been, I’ve always been needed. The schools needed me because not many parents were involved. The neighbors were sometimes just more needy people – they needed friendship mostly and someone to talk to. I would do that…often. Now, I live in a high income neighborhood. The school could care less if I even exist because they have, literally, 100% turnout at the Meet the Teacher night. The neighbors are so very nice, really nice, but they don’t need me. They make me feel like they want me, but they certainly don’t need me. It’s just very different.

I added another child to this crazy mix. I’ve been told several times that after 3 you don’t notice a difference. I’m calling bogus on that one! Kara is amazing!!! She rocks my world, but I have 4 children that need me individually. Last night, I went into the backyard to play with all four of them. I was throwing the football with Migc. Kara was in the swing but would fuss from time-to-time to have me come over and push her a little more and talk to her for a minute. Jaden wanted me to draw hearts on the sidewalk. Kristen couldn’t do it right, he had to have Mommy do it. Kristen wanted to show me her batting skills and share stories about school. It is hard to give each of them their own attention. I’m an involved mom that values their differences and tries to meet each of them where they are. Sometimes, I love being pulled in those directions and finding that I’m competent. Other times, I want to run away.

The one thing that I did not expect and have had the hardest time adjusting to is the changes in my husband. He has a new job that he *loves*. Since we’ve been together he’s had jobs that he did but didn’t enjoy, so he came home and found his fulfillment at home. Now, he loves his job and, honestly, I feel kind of less important now. His loyalties are divided now and he has changed so much! The change was instant too and he has a hard time seeing it at all. Nearly daily, it slaps me in the face though and I’ve had a hard time navigating it. He still loves me and I love him. It’s like learning to love a new him though. He does different things, says different things and values different things. I’ve been all over the board on trying to figure out how to handle it and I definitely haven’t mastered it, but I’m still working on it.

The level of adjustments and transitions has been out of this world. Everything has changed. My home, my standard of living, the number of children, my husband, my church, my body, my friends, everything. Wading through all of those transitions at once has proven to be hard! At times, harder than I can stand up under, but I will make it through. I will press on, and we’ll be better for it in the long run, right?

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