Monday, December 28, 2009


The song “Desperado” came on the radio, as I was waiting in the drive-thru at McDonald’s today. Migc was with me. It took me back 16 years ago almost to the day.

One of my best friends in high school died in a car accident December 30, 1993. It was Christmas break but we, including Dalana, still had dance team practice. I got the call while getting ready for early morning practice. I still went to practice and we all sat and cried in complete disbelief. I remember so many of the details of the next few days, but one in particular always brings the whole time back in full strength. A dear friend, Adam, pulled up outside my house, which was only about a quarter of a mile from where she died and talked to a few of my friends and I. He had semi-dated Dalana right before the accident. He had been driving around for hours listening to “Desperado” with eyes about as red-stained and glassy as they come.

Today, as I sat in the drive-thru, I listened to that song and cried so hard, telling Migc about that sweet girl that died too soon 16 years ago. She was the bubbliest person I’ve ever met. She was sweet and spunky and silly and teeny-tiny.

I always told myself that as time went on, I wouldn’t cry about it anymore. I thought there would come a time when I wouldn’t think of her often and could think of her without crying. Sixteen years later, I still haven’t reached that moment. I cry when I pass the cemetery where her body lies. I cry when I drive out by where she died. I cry when I communicate with her mom or her sister. I cry when “Desperado” comes on the radio. Random things trigger my memory and I cry. Just as I sometimes think about what an old friend might be up to, I think of what she would have accomplished and who she would be had she lived. I wonder who she’d be married to, how many kids she’d have now and what she would be doing with her life. I’ve kept up with her sister and her mom, so that helps knowing how they have gone about their lives, but I still miss her.

Rest in Peace, sweetie! I still remember your little cute dance move!


Ashley said...


love you!

Christine said...

I love how you put this into words. One of my best friends died our senior year and I still miss him. So many things remind me of him and I still wish he could go through life with me. He was such a blessing while he was here.

I think maybe we don't ever stop missing the good ones who are gone.

Mandy said...

Christine, I thought of you as I was writing this. I knew you'd identify because I remember you talking about your friend. There were plenty of deaths along the way in high school, but it's a little different when it's someone really close to you.

Kim Peri said...

I have many times thought about D...what her purpose was here and at what point the fulfillment of it occurred and she left this eatth. She had an obvious purpose and was marked by it....I remember the scars on her head and the story she told of escaping death as a child....only to be take early a few years later. We can't see the full picture, but D is certainly one of the people there is no earthly reason she should be gone.